POWIP Piece of Work In Progress

9Sep/0943

Obama’s Health Care Speech, Condensed

The economy is bad because of Bush. It is pulled back from the brink of disaster because of me. It's still going to be bad for a while. Because of Bush. It's time to look to the future.

Sometimes people are treated badly by insurance companies. That's un-American. Why can't we be more like the rest of the world?

If you have insurance, you'll be able to keep it. If you don't, that's bad, because people who have insurance have to pay for you. That's not fair to the people who pay insurance. Really, it's kind of socialistic. So, I'll make you buy insurance, unless you can't, in which case I'll make other people buy it for you.

I would never do anything that would run up huge deficits. Honest. Also, when they're not stealing your tonsils and hacking off your feet just for the fees, doctors are pretty good people.

There's waste, fraud and abuse in health care, which is why it needs to be taken over by the government.

People who say bad things about my health care plan are liars and dreadful human beings. There needs to be more civility in this discussion. Bush caused 9-11. People who say bad things about my health care plan are trying to scare people, and everybody's going to die if we don't get this thing passed now.

My office has been open to my evil-mongering opponents.

Let's do this for the bloated, corrupt corpse of Teddy Kennedy. He knows the sheer terror and helplessness of coming to and realizing you've left someone to drown in your automobile. It's the American way.

I want to be historic, and if you don't let me, I'm going to stomp my foot take my TelePromTer and go home. The End.

Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.

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  1. Heh. Thanks for the recap. I skipped it.

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  2. Dan, did you see where the Rep called the God-Emperor O!bama a liar?

    I think San Fran Nan pooped in her Depends.

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  3. Yes, it’s probably the big story about the speech.

    If Obama weren’t intent on calling everyone else a liar, I’d be upset about it.

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  4. Oh my heavens, he went on about 20 minutes too long( 60 minutes too long really)…

    And he basically said, while deficit neutral, the public option will be a part of any plan that is passed…

    And while pledging no cuts to medicare, he clims that 500 billion can be saved through streamlining…

    Says it’s not a government takleover, but a strong guiding hand…

    Mostly bullshit; nothing new save for a bone thrown to the malpractice reform crowd…

    Only a bone that is, it’ll never be part of the final bill…

    What a friggin liar; especially when he said illegals wouldn’t be covered by any government plan-and was called on it…

    Normally I’d be shocked by such behavior, but as Dan said, he seems intent on branding all dissenters liars, so goose-gander, whatever…

    Totally unspecific on how all this sweetness and light will be payed for…

    And deficit effin’ neutral?!? WTF?!?

    Like I said, sure the public option will be self funding; just like Freddie/Fannie, Amtrak, and the Post Office…

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  5. I think the guy who pointed out the lie is a hero. It was a lie.

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  6. Had the speech done what it intended, Valerie Plame’s husband would be a peripheral thing I think.

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  7. That moment will go down in infamy. But, you know what? So will ObamaCare.

    #Hero #JoeWilson, trending.

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  8. Different Joe Wilson, Topsecretk9.

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  9. serr8d

    i was surprised so many urls were still available, I bet there are repjoewilson2012 up tomorrow.

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  10. sbp

    I know, I was joking. It’s just that people not paying attention will get bits and think jughead Joe Wilson yelled at Obama.

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  11. Thank you so much from saving me the annoyance of watching the actual speech. Although, I think I could have written the summary without hearing a word about it – how predictable can this guy get? Ugh.

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  12. Josh Marshall on Wilson

    ” I can’t think of anything like it in recent history.”

    Shoe’s thrown at the Commander in chief doesn’t ring a bell?

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  13. Absolutely brilliant.

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  14. 0bama was elected without experience or qualifications. Only a fool is now surprised that he’s making a mess of things.

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  15. Despite hefty Democratic majorities in both the House and the Senate, centrists in Obama’s party have balked at the president’s proposal to create a public health care plan to compete with private insurers.

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  16. None of my real-life Facebook contacts (mostly left-leaning academics) are saying ANYTHING about the speech. A few months ago they were gushing over every word that he excreted from his lying cakehole.

    I’m pretty sure that means he’s failing.

    Not that I would ever hope for that or anything…

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  17. Linked from our site. Hilarious. I’m an instant fan!!
    (Thank Jim Treacher for his retweet! I always trust his comic instincts and I wasn’t disappointed.)
    BigFurHat

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  18. OMG, punked and booger-smeared, look at the r-wingered toe-tappers howl.

    Hohoho,

    Punkered squeal alert!

    Banjo music intro!

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  19. Wittle r-wingered Barney BlogFifers got the scare-pee wrung out of ‘em – - – AGAIN!!!!

    The Man’s too big. The Man’s too strong.

    O!

    Bwahahaha! Bwahahaha!

    pppp!

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  20. Thor dreams of being David Brooks.

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  21. thor dreams of being taken seriously.

    When he’s not daydreaming of becoming a man.

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  22. Great – our pres is a marxist and a liar to boot. what an ass. this pig has been at the trough for too long. no one, i get the feeling, has ever said “no” to him before.

    as for admitting there is 600+ billion dollars of fraud and waste in medicare – sounds like a good place to start.

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  23. Yeah, yeah, yeah…we go it edge…

    Too big, too strong, too…whatever…

    You really need to come up with a new taunt mantra…

    Really, you’ve worn that one out…

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  24. How are my little r-wingy liar-liar twinkies doing the morning after?

    Still a little sore, eh? Understandable.

    All while you’ve wrought endless shame on our country, while your lies have infected the public discourse, all while your perpetual ignorance has damaged our economy and all while you’ve sputtered and spewed the ugliest forms of your bigotries, prejudices and hate, the honorable President Barack Obama stands tall as a staggering monument to the greatness within this nation.

    Last night you were punked, badly punked, an ugly sight to be sure. Maybe soon your full punkage will be complete, who can really say.

    A milk spittle covered sputtering loony is no way to go through life.

    I suggest you find a fresh sheet of paper, wipe the slobber from a pen and write our President a full apology for your behavior up to now. Second chances, America is about second chances.

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