POWIP Piece of Work In Progress

The Commandments – Revised for an Enlightened Generation

Exodus
Chapter 20

1 Then God delivered all these commandments:
2 "I, the LORD, am your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery.
3 You shall not have other gods besides me.

...unless it promises bread to all who hunger, water to all who thirst, shelter for all who wander... you know, all those material things only the State can provide.

4 You shall not carve idols for yourselves in the shape of anything in the sky above or on the earth below or in the waters beneath the earth;

...unless it makes a good record, movie, tee shirt, or bumper sticker.

5 you shall not bow down before them or worship them. For I, the LORD, your God, am a jealous God, inflicting punishment for their fathers' wickedness on the children of those who hate me, down to the third and fourth generation;
6 but bestowing mercy down to the thousandth generation, on the children of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not take the name of the LORD, your God, in vain. For the LORD will not leave unpunished him who takes his name in vain.

...unless, of course, you know better. Then, and only then can you claim to issue mandates in the name of God and what Jesus would do. He was a Democrat, after all.

8 "Remember to keep holy the sabbath day.

...until the advent of the NFL and the talk shows.

9 Six days you may labor and do all your work,
10 but the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD, your God. No work may be done then either by you, or your son or daughter, or your male or female slave, or your beast, or by the alien who lives with you.
11 In six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the LORD has blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you.

..."mother and father" are more rightly understood to mean teachers, police officers, the Feds, and politicians. So, really anyone wearing a uniform, belonging to a union, or in a position of power, local, state, or federal... the exceptional and enlightened in particular. Because, it should be self-evident that they know better than your real father and mother, who can barely make ends meet and spend their money foolishly and selfishly.

13 "You shall not kill.

...unless you or your "life partner" becomes pregnant and it is inconvenient. Or, unless one of your number is really old and suffering mightily and/or burdensome and wholly without any dignity."

14 "You shall not commit adultery.

...unless she is really - and I mean really hot. Or you are lonely. Or just plain horny and have a chance to screw someone, married or not. For instance, one time while I was living in Phoenix, there was this incredibly hot young pole dancer with really awesome tattoos. She propositioned me. I told her I was married. She said it didn't bother her.

15 "You shall not steal.

...over-taxing and redistribution of one's hard-earned wages or good-fortune is not stealing. Think of it as, erm, justice. We are all born equal - shouldn't we die equal?

16 "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

...unless there is something to be gained or a cheap political point to be scored.

17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male or female slave, nor his ox or ass, nor anything else that belongs to him."

...again, the exception is if you really, really want what he has... or are envious to a degree that you can't possibly be expected to live without it. None should be expected to go throuugh life without the finest of things. Or at least without some of the finer things that the evil wealthier folks have - damn them. And anyway, envy isn't really that ugly when everyone is envious.

Clearly, we humans know best.