POWIP Piece of Work In Progress

Please do not get me anything for Christmas.

Congresscritters & Mr. President:

I, Enoch_Root, hereby relieve you of any ounce of obligation you may feel to get me anything this year for Christmas. In fact, I beseech all of you in the most emphatic manner possible not to get me anything for Christmas.

Now, in regard to Goodwill Toward Men and all - for who could question your motives when they are surely as pure as the driven snow? - you may feel somewhat obligated to get me something. Even a little something. But I do not need for anything you can gift me.

So, once again, I implore you not to get me - or for that matter any of my family - anything at all.

I hope you can respect the fact that we are of modest means. Simple people. And I fear that should you deliver another of your most generous gifts to our front door that we will be reminded more acutely of that which we really long for... that precious commodity in such short supply today.

Please - should your most generous and purest of hearts think to prevail over reason this year - I hereby beg of you... beg of you... to show some modicum of respect for my wishes. Please do not get anything for us this year.

I know it will be very difficult for you, oh most generous gods among men, to refrain from doing so. Especially given the season. But I know you can do it. I know you can!

No?

Ok, then. If I cannot appeal to you emotionally, as a head of household... man to man, so to speak... if you cannot abide my simple request out of hand, then I should have to appeal to your sense of practicality.

I really don't want to come off as an ingrate. So, please take this in the manner it is intended:

The last gift you gave us earlier this year was incredibly, incredibly expensive. A little over the top, some might say. And while it might have seemed like a very generous thing to do for us Little People, like me and mine, it has really sort of caused a wee bit of consternation. For one thing, we now feel obligated to reciprocate. This will be a difficult thing for us to do. For another thing, it has arrived in pieces. And while it pains me to say so (as it is a bit embarrassing mentioning this to the seat of such benevolence) I think you should know that it came without any discernible instructions. The few pages that did come in the 4th and 15th boxes, respectively, seem to be written in what appears to this ignorant and poorly-educated sinner as Chinese (Mandarin?). Additionally, try as we might, neither me nor my son (who is a Lego Maniac), nor any of my less-than astute neighbors has been able to make ends meet (so to speak). The diagrams, where there are diagrams, must have been created by a committee of some sort, in that they refer to pieces that we do not have at present. We neither know what a "dikfer" or a "henway" is, for example. And the bits that are to accompany the larger pieces (which btw we are unable to conjoin - for the tubing seems to be of myriad, incompatible diameters) seem also to be largely missing. And given that we don't even know what it is we are building... again, all due respect to you and yours, we are ignorant peasants... we are sure that when we figure out what goes where and the rest of the pieces and boxes arrive - or when all of the boxes arrive (btw, how many should we expect? also, are they all coming COD?) and we figure out what parts go where - we are sure at this time it will be amazingly large and no doubt glorious to behold - of a scale heretofore never known by Man! But as of yet, this previous gift so benevolently issued us remains strewn, sad to say, all across our neighborhood. We just ran out of space in our garages... and our lawns are crowded with bubble wrap... and so the neighborhood home association has been very stimulated of late. We even have a joke about the Stimulus Package that I shouldn't mention here - as it would be ungracious of me to do so. Let's just say we are all excited to have this thing put together and completely assembled so we can return to our little lives knowing we have executed your will and lived up to all of your expectations.

So, please, please, please... do not feel obligated to get us anything for Christmas. I promise, we won't think less of you! Plus, with how amazingly generous you have been it is likely whatever you are thinking of getting us won't fit under the Christmas Tree (much less through the front door)! LOL!!!

Merry Christmas,
Enoch and Family.

ps. I have to ask... what kind of credit line do you have up there? I mean, really, it's like you robbed a bank or something! :)  I guess that's the benefit of living in the big city! Shucks, out here in the hinterlands we can't even imagine the Milk and Honey out East!

Enoch_Root

Person with kids,a beautiful wife, a job. Catholic of the Latin Rite.

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