The Zima of Obama

9Feb/100

The Zima of Obama

One of the most frustrating aspects of President Obeyme is his inability to accept that some (some would say many) of his beliefs, political and otherwise, just do not have the popular appeal he insists they inherently do... or must, as a matter of course. I am reminded of some of the music I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Or of products which have been introduced that fall flat and ultimately fail to flourish in the marketplace. I won't mention any bands by name, but I will mention Zima - the half beer, half-lemonade concoction marketed in the 90s. In the case of horrible bands and terrible beverages, it is true that marketplace influence makes all the difference. That is to say, a company committed to its awful product can keep it front and center despite the product's inherent awfulness as long as said company has a tranche of goodwill/capital to spend and a willingness to continue dipping into it. But ultimately, thankfully, unappealing bands and brands (is there a difference?) go away. Or, in the very least, recede to some distant sliver of a market segment - and we are spared... until some force of marketing genius attempts once more to accost and overwhelm our sensibilities.

Now, it seems to me that Obeyme is to a very large extent in the business of hoisting questionable products onto the shelves of our political quick-mart. If the vision of the POTUS as product marketing manager doesn't work for you, you may liken him to a tone-deaf record executive.

Some products suck. Zima sucks. It sucked from the first. And while there are some who might appreciate it, by and large we can agree it sucked. And it ultimately failed. On an epic scale. And this sad sack of a product was brought to us by Coors Brewing Company (now MillerCoors). Granted, neither Coors or Miller do it for me - but having said that, while I might prefer Guinness, I do not loathe Miller Lite... If I was in the mood for beer - or "beer" - and you only had a Coors to offer, I would drink it. Zima, on the other hand? Not so much. One product has some merit - while the other has nary a redeemable quality... other than maybe as fodder for late night jokes.

And so, in the marketplace we find that we have products that are "mainstream" - they are marginally good enough to survive. And they survive because they are decidely not avant garde. Instead, their mass appeal comes not so much because they are exemplary, but precisely because they are imperfectly bland. And if not bland, they are at least not overwhelmingly offensive to the senses.

What Zima is not is beer. It is not beer. It has beer as one of its constituent parts, to be sure... or, so we are led to believe... but alas it is not beer. And I am sure Zima makes some sense in some alternate universe... or, maybe it makes sense in Japan. But it does not make sense here in the US. It just does not, could not, would not, and did not "make it" in the marketplace. Surely there are some who loved it... And I bet early consumption proceeds when it was first introduced were substantial. Substantial enough to give the genius product managers who championed the idea of it hope that their instincts were right... I can hear them now: "People love beer. People love lemonade... Zima! What's not to like?" But Zima is decidedly NOT "two great tastes that taste great together". In the end, many years, heartbreaks, and dollars later, Zima died as it was destined to do. That is, it failed. And it failed precisely because despite the marketing efforts and deep pockets committed, Zima sucks. Being neither beer, nor lemonade - it is, alas something entirely different. And something we, as a people, have overwhelmingly rejected.

As messed up as the Iranians may be... and they are mighty messed up to my mind... should we be stunned if they too find Zima offensive and unworthy? Or, should we be more surprised if, after failing to prove out in our own marketplace, Zima takes root in Iran where it becomes the mother's milk of the Iranian Revolution?

I am not shocked that Zima is neither working at home or abroad. Because Zima may have seemed like a good idea. And it may have even seemed like a reasonable idea. Indeed, one might even say that Zima was somewhat refreshing upon that virgin sip. And if not refreshing, it was if nothing else different. And I guess different is okay in small doses. And I can see why it had appeal at first glance... it was well-packaged - shiny, crystal clear in appearance. And it tested well, I am sure. Chicks seemed especially intoxicated by the idea of it. And dudes bought it primarily because chicks seemed especially intoxicated by it. But even avid consumers eventually outgrow questionable products. Or, more practically, they grow older, get married, have some kids - all very sobering experiences. And when they do, no amount of money... no tranche of goodwill is deep enough to keep a shitty product on the shelf.