POWIP Piece of Work In Progress – Former Abode of Dan Collins

Mushroom Guy

The reason that I've not been spending as much time as I should here is that I've been out mushroom hunting with my powerful mushroom gun. And as I've mentioned before, the reason that I've been dedicating so much time to it is that I'm not quite sure what my employment status with Breitbart is, since he's been tied up with appearances and perhaps lawsuits and whatnot.

I can hear you asking what this mushrooming business is all about. Well, here in Vermont, there are a number of wild mushrooms that chefs and gourmets covet, among which are morels (of course), lobster mushrooms, chicken of the woods, certain varieties of puffballs, oyster mushrooms, and chanterelles. These last are my specialty.

Chanterelles may be found hereabouts from June through about mid-August. Last year, the season was extended somewhat by the non-appearance of summer, which has made this year's a bumper crop as well. Chanterelles may be found in pine forests, with a mix of deciduous trees. If you're among more leaves (which linger from year to year here in Vermont) than needles, you're in the wrong place. In common with most mushrooms, they love moisture, and you will therefore find them in greatest number where there are fallen trees among the piney woods. They can also be found underneath moss, occasionally in small clearings or at the edges of clearings where sunlight penetrates but a small portion of the day, underneath the branches of recently sprung pines and firs, and in the superincumbent dried needles of downed trees and larger limbs. When exposed to the light, they are a golden color, not unlike that of a pilsner ale, though they can also tend toward a dusky yellow-orange if dried or if long exposed to the light. Those that are most securely secluded away from the light are more pallid.

The stalks are firm, but yield without too much pressure. It is best to get them as closely as possible toward the base, as the stems are almost as delicious as the caps. If not impeded in its upthrust, the mushroom will assume the convex shape of a goblet when viewed from above. If blocked, it may be gnarled or involved. If there is insufficient moisture for it to assume the goblet shape, or if it's picked before its full effluorescence it may appear much like most mushrooms, convex from the bottom. The key is to view it underneath. The gills extend from the bottom of the cup and settle gradually into the stem. In appearance from underneath, the chanterelle reminds us of the pattern exhibited by the piers of the perpendicular Gothic cathedral.

In taste, it has a bit of a nutmeggy or peppery flavor. When you excise the "root" of the chanterelle, there ought to be a crispness about it. If not, you should search the fruiting body for signs of infestation. Although the mushroom is said to have the quality of resisting pests, slugs may make inroads. You will notice a stippling and crumbling of the top of the mushroom. Upon inspection of the bottom, you will find that the gills also reveal black egg deposits. If the fruiting body is much gone, brown at the edges and mushy, you may as well leave it alone. It is in come cases possible to excise the affected parts if the mushroom is not too far gone. I personally use a pizza cutter for the operation, as well as for cutting off the base of the mushroom. You can use it, too, for cleaning the top. Whenever possible, don't use any instrument to clean the bottom of the mushroom, when blowing can accomplish the same thing. There will be bits of forest and earth that you'll have to remove from the mushrooms, but keep in mind that in most cases it will be counter-productive to immerse the mushroom in water, except when it's on the point of being used. If you're someone who easily becomes dizzy, you may wish to use a small bellows or child's nostril cleaner, or if you're very fastidious to use compressed air sold to clean an electronic device such as a computer.

Please do leave the small bits, or "buttons" as they are called, to ripen and grow, unless they are victims of digging up a larger mushroom, or are already dried, in which case they will never grow any larger. Where you've found some, take a good look around. Most places where you've found a few (although sometimes one may be an outlier), you will find that there are more nearby. Earlier in the season, before the dog days, you will discover most of them in areas that give you a good view of 8 to 10 feet around. Often this means that you will find a second patch within view of the one you are at, thence a third, and so forth. Having raided a group of mushrooms, always take care to turn around before you proceed to the next group. You'll be surprised at how often a minor change of perspective will uncover more that you hadn't seen the first time. As the season proceeds, you will want to keep a particular eye to underbrush, which will protect the latest crop from the heat and direct sunlight. Here in Vermont that means also that you're going to have a harder time distinguishing the chanterelles from yellowing leaves. In fact, you'll find that on occasion a chanterelle turns into a leaf and then back into a mushroom as you approach it. They are as wily as turkeys, this way.

A season may seem to be depleted, only to be reinvigorated by a rainstorm. As the autumn approaches, the pickings will become slimmer, but the fruiting body of the chanterelle is much hardier than that of most mushrooms, such as the ink-caps. Dried chanterelles, whether they are naturally dried in the outdoors, or dried in strainers, retain much of their savor and their high concentration of vitamins. Although most chefs, being terrible chauvinists, are agreed that fresh are best (and this is certainly so for salads), dried chanterelles are wonderful in soups, sauces and omelettes. I take the little bits and pieces that are left over from cleaning, and place them in a spice shaker. If there's any chance that a chanterelle might be infested (and a hollow stem is a good indicator), it is best to break it open in order to remove any slug deposits or damage. It will dry nicely anyway.

As a matter of fact, when in doubt as to the soundness of a mushroom, allow it to dry. If it turns very dark, it should be thrown out. Dark portions of otherwise sound mushrooms should also be excised. If a mushroom is too far gone, it will give good evidence as it dries.

As the season progresses, it's a good idea to calibrate your own ideas of what tastes good by sampling as you go along. You yourself may have ideas of what tastes good and what doesn't, but if you're going to sell them to chefs, please keep in mind that they are nowhere known, as far as the places that I've lived, as the most forgiving people. It may break your heart that you've got to throw away a portion of a mushroom that's discolored simply because the earth in which it developed was too rich a black, but chefs haven't time to tell their servers to tell their customers that it's all right, that they should be a little gritty, etc. Because the circumambient leaves also will be turning colors similar to those of the chanterelle as the dog days arrive, you might find it best to go out hunting the morning after a good rain, not only because some may have cropped up, but also because the colors of the forest will be rendered more distinct and the surrounding plants will be more tonic. That means you're going to get wet.

Never try to freeze chanterelles. It is better to air dry than to freeze dry them. Never, ever force any sort of wild mushroom on someone else against their inclination, or feed them one without disclosing that it is wild.

Will you get rich? Not at all. Today's haul for me was 5 or 6 lbs after cleaning. That's at $12/lb. Three hours I spent in the woods, being eaten and rained on, four hours cleaning the mushrooms to chef standards.

Why do I do it? Because I'm impoverished, and for the thrill of the chase.

Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.

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